This might be one of the best paragraphs I've seen from this writer (and I've seen a lot of them).

I'm looking at a slide: It shows me, standing on the beach in my bathing suit, displaying a degree of musculature rarely found outside the asparagus family. My face has an expression that conveys the emotion: ''I cannot see a thing.'' I had removed my thick, Soviet-style eyeglasses, in the foolish hope that this would make me attractive to girls, which it did not, and even if it had, I would have been unable, without sonar, to locate them.

I'll paypal $.02 to the first person who can tell me who wrote it.